Hello, my name is larouxvixen, and I am a Jared/Jensen shipper. I'm sorry, they're hot, they're all over each other, they play brothers, what can I say? However, I managed to restrain my urge to let it out until very recently, when this fic emerged, fully formed, from my head. I wrote it, cried for my soul, then showed it to my friends, who did the same thing. So, more experienced shippers, tell me what you think!
Jared didn’t know when it was that he actually realized it. He’d think he would have noticed sooner; for fuck’s sake, he was with Jensen literally day in, day out, for hours and hours, and as that seemingly wasn’t enough to get sick of each other, spent most of their off-time together too. But then, as Jensen was fond of saying (but not in so many words), Jared had more hair than wit. "Silly Padalecki," Jen’d say, pouting his lips ridiculously, "brains are for Ackles." Then Jared would have to throw something at him.
Jared found it a little disturbing, actually, that he’d turned into a teenage girl and no one had even noticed or bothered to put his hair in pigtails for him. Maybe he was a better actor than he thought? And Jared’s inner Jensen rolled its eyes, saying Boy, I’m going to have to hit you, aren’t I. That’s just a bad comedy moment. Jared told his inner Jen to shut up, but couldn’t keep from smiling anyway. And how sad was it that he couldn’t even get mad at his inner Jensen? (The fact that an inner Jen existed was something that Jared ignored, as it was too sad, even for the Sixteen Candles girl he was). But seriously, it was like he woke up one day (and not even one pinpointable day), and all of a sudden, when he looked at his co-star, had felt a surge of gooey, bluebirds-and-singing kind of feeling, which had scared the hell out of him.
Jared remembered one time on set, coming in at dark thirty, grumbling because no Starbucks was open yet, "Seriously man, isn’t their advertising shtick that they’re always open and doing business, or something?" "That’s 7-11, Jay." "WhatEVER." And Jensen had just looked at him, and then smiled this huge, blinding smile that twisted his stomach and made Jared want to start carrying around a camera so that he could capture moments like that and look at them later and marvel at something so... perfect (beautiful, Jay, don’t even deny you were thinking it, dude, chimed in inner!Jen). That was when it really hit him that he had turned into a girl.
Every day, he would find something more to take mental snapshots of. The curve of Jensen’s ‘sardonic’ eyebrows, the surprising deep green of his eyes, his freckles, what he looked like throwing his head back and laughing, the slight hint of Texas in his voice that made Jared’s name sound like ‘Jaayrr-ed’, the ways his hands looked around a cup or holding a gun... it was scary, how Jared was becoming obsessed with everything about this man. He hoarded the times when he slung his arm around Jen’s shoulders, or when Jen brushed against him in makeup, or at the publicity events (and he didn’t even need mental pictures for that, the damn things were all over the internet and he’d saved them all on his computer).
Jared couldn’t escape it; he even bought a digital camera ("DUDE! You got a new camera? I wannaseewannaseewannasee! Whoa, this is a really nice one. What, you spend your inheritance?" "No, I plan on paying for it by selling pictures of your ass on eBay for a million bucks apiece." "Please," Jen snorted, striking a pose, "this ass is priceless." Jared smacked it as he snatched his camera back, laughing) and began taking pictures of everything. His friends, his dogs, the crew, trees, clouds, and of course, Jensen. Most of his camera was full of Jen pics, and at night before he went to bed he would scroll through and look at all the newest ones from the day (not too creepy, Padalecki, you gonna start sending me animal hearts and following me home?) It was when the images started making him hard that Jared knew he was in deep shit.
They were chilling at Jen’s house, pleasantly tipsy from the few beers. They’d come straight from the set and when Jen brushed past Jared to get another beer, he smelled faintly like Dean’s leather jacket. He also smelled like cologne, and booze, and hairgel, and it was getting harder (ha ha, said inner!Jen) for Jared to keep from just jumping him in front of everyone (or in this case, the little wall-demons that Jensen had sworn were there one time when they were completely smashed out of their heads, "Seriously dude, they’re like, in the walls and shit, and they make noise and they watch me, and they look like little mini-Elvises, and they sing ‘Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog’ till I wake up, and they steal all my cereal-" "You do know I’m never going to let you forget this." ) The alcohol was loosening Jared’s convictions, and he tried not to notice how Jen’s mouth looked around the mouth of the bottle, or what his throat looked like chugging the beer, or that when he leaned back into the couch his shirt kept riding up and Jared wanted to run his finger (don’t lie, Padalecki, your tongue) along his stomach to see if it was as soft as his face- "Yo, Jay, get off me, dude, you put that on my face and I kill you." "Awwww, poor sensitive duck-bottom-faced Jenny doesn’t want me to put Sharpie on his wittle nose?" "Duck-bottom-faced? What the heyl kinda insult was that? You put whiskers on me and I will shank you, Jay, I swear to God!" ::scuffle:: Jared emerged triumphant, Sharpie held high, before kitty-Jensen tackled him and gave him a pirate mustache. The girls in makeup had had a fit.
It was really late, like the sky-getting-lighter kind of late, and Jensen was asleep next to him on the couch. They’d been watching Shaun of the Dead on Jen’s lovely new big-screen ("Oh my god, Jenny, I’m stealing this, you don’t get to have nice things."), but Jen (who’d been doing almost all of the drinking for the two of them, and there were empty bottles of tequila and beer on the table) had fallen asleep almost immediately. Jared would have turned the movie off and left, but when he tried, Jen had stirred and mumbled, "No, don’t, ‘m watchin’," which was so ridiculously endearing that the movie stayed on. Jared could feel Jen’s warmth through the sleeve of his shirt. At around the time where Shaun and company had broken into the pub, Jensen had slid down, and his head was cuddled against Jared’s shoulder. His hair tickled Jared’s jaw whenever he shifted, and was surprisingly soft, for all the gel that it was spiked with. Jared turned off the TV, and the sudden silence made Jen’s deep, even breathing (not quite snoring) seem very loud. The warm, nice-smelling heaviness against him was making Jared tired, and he looked down at Jen. He looked... soft (don’t even try that, Padalecki, adorable, cute, sweet). Jen was a sound sleeper, but he shifted and wrinkled his forehead when Jared moved, cuddling closer to him and making a puppy-noise, and Jared felt his heart actually melt a little. He shifted, more carefully this time, holding Jen up with an arm around his back and a hand on the back of his head, the short hair tickling the webs between his fingers. Jared hesitated, then kissed Jen on the temple, lingering, smelling tequila and soap and something that he figured out (through their long acquaintance) was just Jensen. He tasted like he smelled, and Jared wanted to hold him here like this and protect him from everything bad in the world, because like this Jensen was dangerously vulnerable and it would be so easy for something to come along and ruin that incongruous innocence. And okay, now he needed to go kill a wild animal and beat his chest and reassert his manhood. Because Jared Padalecki would be damned if he let his dangerously lovable costar emasculate him (what, more than you already are? My God, dude, you’re practically Meg Ryan. Shut up, Jen.) He nuzzled Jen’s temple, breathing him in deep. Who knew when he was ever going to get another chance to do this, and he was so tempted to kiss him like the money-shot in every chick-flick ever made. But instead, he carefully laid Jen down on the couch, hand behind his head like he was cradling his baby niece, and then reached for his camera and quietly took a picture.
Jared didn’t know which was worse: the pure Disney love he had felt before (however obsessive and scary and girly) for Jen, or the current mix of wanting-to-cuddle-and-love-him-forever and wanting-to-fuck-him-against-a-wall-till-h
And actually, it was that friendship that was partly killing Jared. The reason he was keeping his leetle obsession under lock-and-key (besides, well, being a little cowardly) was he didn’t want to mess with this really good dynamic that they had going, especially with the show doing so well. But this friendship was a very close and touching relationship, which was making things incredibly difficult. He just knew that one time, they were going to get too drunk, and he wasn’t going to watch himself close enough, and he was going to say something stupid or- to hell with subtleties- just stick his hand down Jen’s pants, and then things would be screwed to hell. And because of the afore-mentioned touching, it was becoming more painful to control himself when Jen would hug him or touch him or peer over his shoulder or brush against him. Jared had added, to his daily routine, multiple cold showers whenever possible. And now they were in a bar, with Christian fuckin’ Kane, getting drunk, and Jared was wondering why he loved torturing himself so much, because Jen was wearing a button-down shirt that was gradually becoming less buttoned and more down and a new pair of jeans that fit in all the right places, in a way that made Jared thank God on his knees that they were in public and was therefore not allowed to jump Jensen, as otherwise he would seriously have been on his knees for completely other reasons.
" Dude," Jared said, blinking and looking at Jen, whose eyes were shining bright and happy and liquored up. "How haven’t you gelded y’rself already? How can you even sit down?"
"Huh?" Jen raised an eyebrow, then laughed. "Oh, I’ve gotten used to the feeling that my pants will split at any second. Comes from Wardrobe’s little bet." Chris leaned against Jared’s shoulder, breathing whiskey against his ear, and snickered. To be fair, Jared probably smelled just as much like whiskey; they’d been in the bar for a while now.
"How’d you get in those?" Chris asked, admiration and Texas thick in his voice from the whiskey.
"A lotta wrigglin’," Jen answered, winking, and Jared was momentarily blindsided by that image, Jen sliding those dark jeans up over his ass, and he crossed his legs shut up brain, shut up! Jen sat up all of a sudden, head tilted to the side. Jared wanted to bite along his jaw line and he swallowed, thinking about flowers. Petunias. Nice, non-sexual petunias.
"Listen!" Jen said, pointing vaguely in the direction of the speakers. Jared listened, but all he heard was a thumpingly infectious bassline and twiddly electronic bits. Jensen’s thing, not really his. Not that he didn’t like it, but Jared preferred other stuff. Jensen was moving slightly to it, smooth body swaying back and forth on the seat, and Jared swallowed his shot harder than he meant to. Well, there’s another little snapshot for my mental collection... maybe I should take up drawing the little mental snapshots... oh great Padalecki, then you can print out all the pictures and the drawings and post them around your bedroom like the sad little girl you are. And then you can write bad poetry to Jenny’s eyelashes. Jared told himself to shut up and caught the tail-end of the conversation.
"-so, since y’all are pussies, I’m gonna go dance," said Jen, pushing up and away from the bar. Jared followed his body with his eyes until Jen was situated in the moving bodies, a lovely little blonde thing situated in front of him that Jared wanted to kill.
"What’re you waitin’ for, son?" Chris asked in Jared’s ear, "a fuckin’ sign? Go after him, you idiot!"
"Huh?" Chris sighed, then leaned his elbow against Jared’s shoulder and gestured with his free hand.
"That," he said, waving toward Jen, and if Jen kept moving like that, Jared honestly thought he was going to die, and now he really wanted to kill the little blonde, "was an invitation, dude. And apparently you can’t even see past your own love-struck nose to see the fact that your boy over there wants you to dance with him, and has for, like, ever." Jared blinked at him, and Chris sighed deeply, sounding martyred.
"I swear to baby Jesus, why do I even bother?" Chris grumbled, massaging his temples. "Okay, you’re drunk and not overly bright, Padalecki, let me see if I can simplify this for you." Chris gestured at Jen again, who was looking over at them, raising an eyebrow, still grinding against Tiny Blonde. "Ackles wants to have your assbabies." Jared choked on his drink. "Now go oblige him, before I fucking shove my foot up both your blind asses!" Chris glared at him. He set his drink down on the counter, harder than necessary, then stormed off to the dance floor, where he said something briefly to Jen and Tiny Blonde, grabbed Jen’s arm and dragged him unceremoniously back over to where Jared was sitting, bemused, and plunked him down on the stool.
"The heyl, Kane?" Jen said, raising an eyebrow and stealing Chris’s abused drink, finishing it in one long swallow. Jared thought about petunias again.
"Now, we’re going to have this out, once and for all, because if I have to spend another night watching you two not watch each other, I’ll tear my hair out," said Chris, deadly serious and frowning at them both. "It is not healthy, and you’re gonna stroke out before you turn 30. And personally, I can’t stand to see you two mooning around over each other, because you’re my friends and I love you and you give me beer, and I want you happy. Now. Ackles. You fucking blind tease. Did it ever occur to you that Jared might want to be your assbaby daddy, and that wearing those pants, for example, might achieve in the first culmination of assbaby triplets?" This time both Jared and Jensen choked on their drinks, and Chris snorted. "And Princess Jay. If you weren’t blinded by your tiara of angst, you’d’ve noticed that Jenny had an even bigger one. With more sequins. That had your name on it! Now, do I need to forcibly tie you two together, or can you grownups handle it from here?" Jensen and Jared both stared at Chris, mouths open in identical expressions of fascinated horror. "Guess not, then. Now, clearly y’all are too drunk to function, so as I am an awesome best friend, I’m going to drive you to Jared’s house, and you can hash it out in a nice private setting." Chris tugged on them both, manhandling both Jared and Jensen out the door and into his Jeep before either of them had recovered from their mutual choke.
Chris did, as threatened, drive them straight to Jared’s house and dump them out. Jared spent the entire ride looking at and then away from Jensen, who was doing the same thing, with Chris looking at both of them pointedly through the rearview mirror. There was a slight tinge of pink around Jen’s nose and cheeks, either from drink or embarrassment, that made Jared want to cuddle him again. And, feeling a surge of nervous anticipation begot by Chris’s words, maybe he just might get to.
Now, they stood in front of Jared’s house, Chris having driven away, and looked at each other.
"I think I’m gonna have to kill Chris," Jen said, breaking the silence, and Jared laughed awkwardly.
"Yeah, me too," he said, and dug in his pockets for his keys. He could still feel Jensen’s eyes on him as he haphazardly used them against the door and opened it (ooo, good job, Pada-boy), and he shivered. Jensen was right behind him when they padded into the house and toed off their shoes, and when Jared turned, Jensen was still right there behind him, exuding warmth and nice-smell and booze, and Jared bit his lip. If Chris had been telling the truth, if Jen really did want him the way he did... Jensen’s eyes were huge in the dark, and Jared just reached out a hand and pulled him in to a one-armed hug, burying his face in Jen’s hair, taking a long slow inhale of breath. Jensen smelled incredibly good, and he made a small noise when Jared inhaled, moving closer.
"Jared," he said, voice gravelly and alcohol-smudged, and Jared thought about daisies this time, "we’re gonna have to talk." Uh, no shit? said inner!Jen. But Jared had no idea how to approach it. Hey, I love you in a really cheesy, Disney sort of way and I want to buy a cottage in the country and have a white picket fence just- no, that was way too needy. So, Jen, I think even your freckles are beautiful and I want to lie in bed with you all day and watch you and worship you was again, too needy, and too stalker. Jared had imagined this so many times, and had even fantasized about it, but now that it might actually happen, it was... really, really awkward. Mainly due to Christian fuckin’ Kane. Jared hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud until Jen laughed (the muscles in his body rumbling against Jared, who prayed to anything-on-high for control). Jared snickered too, belatedly.
"Assbabies," he giggled, and Jen butted his head against him, hard, still laughing.
"Shut up, dude, that is so not funny." Jared raised an eyebrow, guiding them with the one arm towards the couch, where he sat them down (ooooooo, well-done, motor skills. Shut. Up.). He put his mouth down next to Jen’s ear (Jen shivered against him involuntarily, and Jared closed his eyes and prayed harder) and said, "If you wanna talk, you’re gonna have to start." Jensen pulled back a little to look at Jared, and his face softened. Jensen looked incredibly cute, and Jared felt the surge of protect-him-from-rest-of-world feeling. The astonishing green eyes widened, and Jared realized-
"Wait, did I just say that out loud? Again?"
"Yeah. Yeah, you did." Jensen was turning slightly pink again, although it was dark and Jared’s vision was still a little booze-fuzzy, and he was smiling a half-sad little half-smile that Jared had seen occasionally on him. And okay, that was starting to make a little more sense now, especially since Jensen moved his left hand from Jared’s shoulder to his cheek which it cupped, thumb stroking over the cheekbone softly.
"You’re just as cute," Jen said quietly, scooting closer, then blinked. "Wait, did I just-" and Jared tipped his head back and laughed, falling back on the couch, awkwardness gone.
"This is ridiculous, man," he said. "We’re like... every chick flick, like, ever. We are such losers." Jen’s hand slipped down from his face, but he still hadn’t moved it, and he’d leaned his head back on the couch next to Jared’s, snickering. They turned their heads to look at each other, took a breath, and then just started laughing again. It wasn’t even that funny, but the nervous tension needed to be bled off somehow. Their old dynamic was back; they were JaredandJensen again, giggling like a buncha stoners over nothing. (::rolls eyes:: Oh, that’s a great thing to be proud of, said inner!Jen). But then, they looked at each other, inches apart, never before a problem, except for the newly addressed sexual tension that wasn’t, actually, gone, and the smiles faded into something else. Jensen was looking at Jared as though he wanted to eat him up and Jared wasn’t at all averse to the idea. Jared took a good long look at Jen’s expression, then tilted his head, cupping his hand around the back of Jen’s head and pulling him the last bit forward. Jen tipped his head up to his, kissing Jared before Jared could kiss him. Jen’s mouth was just as soft as it looked, and those beautiful artistic hands of his wrapped themselves in Jared’s hair, and Jared stroked a line up Jen’s neck with his thumb along the vein, feeling it race faster. It was a fairly innocent kiss, only about PG-10, and sweeter than Jared had meant it to be, considering Jen’s Im’nafuckyou expression.
Jensen pulled back from it first, breathing in. "Jay," he said, unconsciously licking his lips, which meant Jared was having a hard time concentrating (::GROAN::). "I need to say something, dude." Jensen took another breath, his hands (still in Jared’s mop) moving a little. Jared’s face felt like it was about to split, he was smiling so big. This was literally a dream come true, and it felt wonderful. Jared ran his thumb over Jen’s cheekbone just to feel it under his finger, marveling at the fact that it was possible for someone to be born as perfect as Jen was, and Jen closed his eyes for a moment.
"Jay, if you keep doing that, we won’t talk, and we really need to," he breathed. Jared stopped molesting his cheekbone, but kept his hand there, feeling the skin move under his hand whenever Jensen spoke.
"Chris is remarkably perceptive, occasionally," Jared said slowly (wow, Jay, I’m amazed you can even say that, considering how shit-faced you are), not sure where to start. He knew that they did need to put this weird... thing they had out in the open, but he hadn’t the faintest clue how. Maybe they needed Chris back. But instead, Jared took a deep breath and tried to use his words without any use of the word ‘assbabies’.
"This thing that we’ve got, Jen... I don’t know what it is, but it works. I don’t know why it does, but it does," he began, thumb absentmindedly stroking Jen’s cheek again as he talked. Jensen turned his head towards it, rubbing against it a bit, like a cat, eyes lowered half-way. Jared thought about fields of petunias, and went on, "And... I think that we can make this-" he gestured with his eyes, encompassing their whole little tableau, "work just as well. At least, I hope so."
"God, I hope so," said Jensen, heartfelt, and turned his head to kiss Jared’s palm softly. "because Jay... I want to have your assbabies." He continued to look solemn and sweet for about two seconds, and then burst out laughing. "I’m sorry, dude, but I’m starting to agree with you that that’s never not funny."
"I still think we need to kill Chris, though," Jared said.
"Oh, yes, I quite agree. I’m thinking... steak knives."
"Ew, no, not mine, I just got them, they’re still shiny."
"Are you Martha Stewart?"
"Who was the one who suggested them?"
"All right, fine. What does he hate most..." Then at the same time, it hit them, and they said in unison, "Chad Michael Murray!"
"Yeah, let’s sic Chad on him!" Jared went on to say, then cackled. "Oh, that would too cruel."
"Crueler than telling you I want to have your assbabies when you’re drinking?" Jensen said, grinning. "Don’t think I didn’t see that, dude. You splattered the entire counter."
"Waste of good whiskey," said Jared, sighing sadly. "But, I gotta say, dude, that ass..." he paused, then admitted, "It was more for that than the- word itself."
"You think about my ass, Padalecki?" Jensen said, tone teasing and sexy. Jared smiled sheepishly.
"You have no idea how much I think about it. That damn bet-" he laughed, short and sharp, and stroked Jen’s face again. "Every time I walked on set, they’d be tighter, and... it was damn hard to be Sam, I gotta tell you." Jensen’s eyes were dark and incredibly intense, and he wasn’t laughing.
"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me, feeling you staring at my ass all the time?" he asked, voice gravelly. "Half the time I thought I was imagining things, and I couldn’t decide whether to think about puppies or kittens-"
"I used petunias," Jared interrupted. Jensen smiled slowly, and leaned in, pressing his mouth against Jared’s ear, Jared’s hand falling to his shoulder.
"The other half of the time," Jen said, rumbling and incredibly hot, "I wanted to throw you against the wall of the trailer and fuck you till you were screaming so loud that the entire set could hear me making you mine-" he bit Jared’s earlobe- "-make you scream yourself so hoarse that Eric had to write in Sam’s mysterious case of strep throat."
"Wouldn’t the assbabies be the other way around then?" Jared asked breathlessly as Jensen pulled back slowly to look at him, slipping his hand back up against Jen’s face.
"Does it matter?" Jen asked, eyes going heavy-lidded again as Jared smoothed his thumb over Jen’s parted mouth, thumb spanning over both lips. Their softness against his finger contrasted with the stubble against his palm, and Jared moved his finger over them again to feel it. "Jared," Jensen breathed, tickling Jared’s thumb with his breath, then kissing it. He bit it, tugging it into his mouth and sucking, deliberate and much hotter than it should have been, and Jared moaned. Okay, enough talking, he’d had his Disney kiss, Jared wanted to fuck him. Now.
"Jen, you look like a fucking porn star," he said, half-laugh, half-moan. His thumb came out of Jen’s mouth with a wet pop as Jared pushed Jensen against the back of the sofa and kissed him so hard Jen’s head was forced back almost over the edge, hard body tangled under Jared’s. The startled moan that Jared felt from Jensen made his dick jump, and he slid his hand around to the back of Jen’s head, angling it to kiss him harder. Jen’s hands were once again tangled in his hair, and he was moving against Jared in a way that made Jared pray again that he didn’t lose it too soon. He told his dick to exercise a little control, just because your literal dream is coming true doesn’t mean you have to come as well. Jensen pulled away from Jared’s mouth with a gasp, just barely retrieving his tongue, and pushed Jared, hard. Jared, startled, was rolled ungracefully and pinned against the couch by a... very predatory looking Jensen, who yanked his head back and started nibbling on his neck, which was... really hot.
"Kinky- bastard-" Jared said shakily, regaining enough control of his muscles to run his hands up the back of Jensen’s shirt. Oooo nice, warm warm soft soft skin. Jensen laughed against the bottom of his jaw, tilting Jared’s head farther back until he was staring at the opposite wall, and sucking at the new skin he’d found, surprising a moan from Jared. Judging from the sharp intake of breath Jared heard, Jensen thought it was pretty hot, too. "Damn- I was right-" Jared chuckled, and rolled them again so he was on top, returning the favour on Jensen’s stubble. The gasp and moan he received in return for his efforts made him smirk against Jensen’s throat, then gasp in return as Jensen bucked up against him. Between them they were making a lot of noises.
"Goddamn- Jared-" Jensen panted as Jared concentrated on giving him the biggest hickey. Ever. Meanwhile, Jared’s hands were busy finding entrances into Jensen’s clothing, which wasn’t that hard, all things considering. Oooo, look, nipples! thought the little giddy voice inside his head, and Jared had fun exploring those for some time, causing Jen to moan and writhe around so hard that Jared almost fell off him.
"Jared..." Jen said indistinctly, "if you don’t stop that, I’m going to come in my pants, and I really like these jeans."
"Oh, believe me, so do I," said Jared fervently, sliding his hands off Jensen’s chest and down to his ass, which he squeezed. Jensen started.
"Dammit, Jay, that’s not much better," he moaned, Texas going thicker in his voice. "It’s my turn, you fucker." Jensen pushed him to the side, so that Jared fell sprawling against the pile of cushions, and went on his knees above him. "Has it ever occurred to you-" he asked, leaning down and unbuttoning Jared’s shirt. Slowly. With his teeth. "-that when you wear clothes like this, you are liable to get raped? Do you have any idea how many people were checking you out? I wanted to draw a sign on your head in Sharpie that said ‘Mine, fuckers, no touchie.’" Jared had to laugh at that image in his head, but then Jensen’s mouth found one of his nipples, and coherent thought started dissolving into a horny goop.
"Jesus, Jen," Jared panted. He’d never really been a nipple sort of guy before. Sandy had tried it, and it had done nothing. Apparently he was one for Jensen, however, because there was heat sparking from his nipples down lower, and Jared bucked up against Jensen.
"You have no fucking idea," Jensen growled, nipping sharply at his nipples (HAHAHAHA! said the slightly hysterical voice in his head), "how hot you look, which just makes it worse. You have no idea at all, which made the whole situation so pathetically funny. I wanted to fucking jump you right on camera in front of everyone the first time evil!Sam showed up." Jared smiled, slowly and evilly, a 1,000 watt lightbulb going off in his head. So, another kink of Jensen’s then... seemed he was into darker stuff than he’d first thought. Oh well, more fun for him. Because evil!Sam? Was really really fun. He looped his legs through Jensen’s and did a neat little ninja-twist-thingy that he’d seen in a Jackie Chan movie somewhere. Although Jackie Chan wasn’t using it to molest his totally hot costar at the time. Jensen was now flat on his back again, Jared looming over him, concentrating on looking as evil!Sam-ish as possible.
"You know, you’re still talking," Jared said, making his voice as low and deep and rumbly as possible, and was gratified to see Jensen’s full attention focus on him. "Talking coherently, I might add. With long words and intelligent sentences and everything. When I actually want you to be incapable of speech because I’ve got you under my hands." And mouth, his feral grin implied. Jared leaned down and started sloooooooooowly nosing down the opened vee of Jensen’s shirt. "I’ve wanted to do this all night," he said conversationally, in between sharp, biting kisses. Wow, Jen tasted really good. And slightly salty. (Like a pretzel! said the little giddy voice. Shut up, voice.) When Jared looked up from his exploring, Jensen had his head thrown back, and Jared smirked. He bit into Jensen’s stomach a little harder, sucking on the soft tan skin, and heard Jen gasp above his head.
"Jaaaaaaaay," Jen whined, and Jared chuckled.
"That’s more like it," he purred. "Flat on your back, and the only thing you can say is my name. It’s good to be the king." Jensen half-laughed, half-gasped as Jared nudged Jen’s waistband and bit along his hipbone. Jensen’s stomach was just as soft as it had looked that one night, and he seemed incredibly responsive, if all the noises going on up there were any indication.
"Jared- this is unfair-" Jensen whined. "How come you get to have all the fun?" He arched upward, bopping Jared on the nose and displacing him from his current endeavours to unbutton Jen’s jeans with his teeth. It was a little harder than it looked. Slightly annoyed, he opened his mouth and sucked hard on the jean-covered crotch currently bouncing up under his nose (::snort:: said the giddy voice). That got Jen’s attention, and Jared was rewarded with a moaned "Jaaaay-reddd-" that made Jared want to say Fuck you! to controlling himself and just fuck Jensen through the sofa instead. He sucked harder, using more tongue this time, looking up, and watched as Jensen’s head fell back on the sofa and his back arched. Now that was fucking hot. Jared dove back down onto Jensen’s pants, and grinned back up at him with a mouthful of uncovered cock this time. Ooooooo look, cock, happy fun fun yay!! said giddy!innervoice. Jared was pretty sure now that his giddy!voice was the version of Jensen smashed out of his head.
"Oh my GOD-"
"You can just call me Jared," Jared mumbled around his mouthful of Jensen-cock. Which actually came out as "Mrrfl mrrfl mrrfl."
"GAH!" Jensen whimpered. "Fucking hell, Jaaaaaaay..." his hands stopped fisting in the sofa and planted themselves in Jared’s hair instead, saving the sofa from a nasty crumply death. Jared chuckled around his cock (Jensen whimpered again, and tugged hard on his hair), and began trying his hardest to keep getting those sounds out of Jensen. He wallowed happily around down there, having fun experimenting with how to coordinate his tongue, lips and teeth (so, stroking made Jen pant, licking made him whine, and sucking mixed with fluttering made him pant, whine, and scream epithets intermixed with Jared’s name. Jared liked the sucking the best. So did Jensen, apparently). An odd sort of noise reached Jared’s ears, an oddly familiar odd noise, and he pulled off Jensen’s cock long enough to say,
"Are you humming Metallica?"
"Calms me down," Jensen said, sounding choked. Jared bit his lip for a moment, then burst out laughing. Somewhat hysterical laughter, but still.
"I doubt very much that the reason Dean was humming Metallica was because Sammy was sucking him off," he said, still giggling.
"Dude, have you seen the stories they have out there? Fans are scary," said Jen, still sounding slightly choked, eyes still closed (Jared sneaked a peek upwards).
"And you were reading this why?"
"Shut up, Jay."
"Oh, don’t lie, dude, you were totally turned on by it."
"Jared," Jensen said, articulating every syllable carefully, "if you don’t put your mouth back on my dick, I will die, and then how will you explain that to Kripke?"
"Dude, can you not mention Kripke while I’m down here?"
"Jaaaaaaaay!" Jensen whined. Jared rolled his eyes, but obligingly attended to the poor neglected cock under his nose. After a quick suck, he popped his head back up (Jensen groaned pitifully) and propped his chin on Jensen’s lower stomach, Jensen’s dick pressing against his throat.
"You know, I wonder if the fans will be able to tell that Sammy did very bad adult things to Dean on his couch?" he asked nonchalantly. A choking noise was heard from Jensen’s direction. "They’ll probably be able to smell it, come to think of it. Like, you know, dogs can smell fear-"
"Fangirls can smell incest. Which, by the way, seems to be in hiatus at the moment!" Jen said desperately.
"How come you can still say two-syllable words?"
"Because you’re not doing anything!"
"Really," said Jared. He put on his evil!Sam face and smiled as slowly, evilly and sexily as possible up at Jensen, whose head was arched back and therefore couldn’t appreciate the view. He started trailing back up Jensen’s chest like an extremely evil snail, murmuring into his chest. "I want you to scream for me, Jensen. I want to make Dean mysteriously lose his voice, and I want them all to know exactly why. I want all those fangirls to know that yes, I sucked you off, and you’re mine, and they can write all the stories they want about it, because they can’t have you." He trailed his hands up between Jensen’s legs (and incidentally, between his own, and Jared gasped, all of a sudden remembering that this was Jensen, Jen was really hot, and as a result he was really hard) and palmed Jen’s dick. "I want to make you lose it, I want you to forget how to speak everything but my name, and I want you to throw back your head and arch your back because all you can think about is my hands and mouth on you."
"Fuck- Jay-" Jensen panted. "How’d you get so good at this?" Ah, good, only one-syllable words. Still not quite the level of incoherence he was hoping for, though. And Jared was certainly happy with the fact that he was finally in control of this whole damn situation, for fucking once. All the former Disney feeling had dissolved into the little giddy!inner voice screaming Fuck him! Fuck heeeeeeeeeeeeem! Jared was finally in control, and he was going to take advantage of it. Or rather, evil!Sam would. Now back up at the level of Jensen’s face, Jared paused for a moment to stop and smell the roses. From this angle, with Jensen’s arched neck and back in sharp relief, ridiculously-fucking-hot mouth open and panting... dayamn. Jared’s eyes focused on that mouth. It was really fucking unfair was what it was, that Jensen was so hot... Jared sat across Jensen’s hips (and although Jared thought it wasn’t possible, Jensen arched back even further. Jesus, didn’t his back hurt?) and slowly lowered himself down, plastering himself as much as he could against Jensen. Bare skin touched, and Jared breathed in sharp through his nose. Jensen lifted his head to look at him, mouth still parted. The formerly green eyes were almost black, pupils huge and enveloping the iris, and Jared felt his dick twitch as he realized that Jensen’s eyes were turned black from pure lust.
"Dammit, Jen, why are you so fucking hot?" Jared breathed. Jensen laughed, breathlessly.
"Are you seriously asking that question?" he asked roughly, running his hands through Jared’s hair. Jared leaned down to speak against his mouth.
"Still saying two-syllable words, Jen," he breathed, mouths brushing with every word he spoke. He shifted a little, trying to get more comfortable, and then suddenly their hips met at just the right angle, and Jared gasped and arched as pleasure spiked out to his sensitized body.
"Now who looks like a porn star?" Jensen said, gasping as well. He yanked on Jared’s head, and continued his gasping into Jared’s mouth, which conveniently swallowed it. Jared, who was perfectly happy at the arrangement, pulled back slightly to nip and suck first at one lip, then the other, and then pressed his mouth back down on Jensen’s and attempted to suck the tongue out of his mouth. Jensen’s mouth was hot and wet and still had the aftertaste of alcohol, and Jared chased that with his tongue, feeling the vibrations of Jensen’s moans tickling his tongue. He felt Jensen’s hands slide out of his hair and down his back, pushing the shirt out of the way as he smoothed his hands up the skin on Jared’s back. Jared felt each individual finger clutch when he stroked his thumb down Jensen’s dick (which he’d almost forgotten that he was palming). Jensen’s hands unclenched themselves from Jared’s shoulders and slid down Jared’s front, pausing to tweak the now-pointy nipples, and Jared bucked against his hands, then moaned again because their hips rocked together. One hand slid behind Jared to cup and smooth over his ass, and the other slipped down the front of his pants. Jared involuntarily bucked against Jensen’s artistic fingers, grinding himself down against them and Jensen’s own dick, and the pressure and friction felt so fucking good.
"Who?" Jensen ground out, and Jared had to blink and refocus his thoughts back down on him. Jensen was looking up at him, face slightly bitter. "Who was it?" Jensen repeated, and Jared understood, feeling a twist of returning Disney feeling mixing with the lust in his gut.
"Jerry Samson," he said, hand that wasn’t wrapped around Jensen’s dick coming up to cup Jensen’s face tenderly. "Summer of senior year. We were both lifeguards at the pool. Lasted almost all August. And a few one-night stands in college." He stroked Jensen’s cheek, trying to smooth away the slightly hurt? no, more wistful look Jensen was currently sporting. "What about you?" Jensen smiled, a little twistedly.
"A lotta one-night stands," he said, eyes fluttering down. Jared was focused on watching those dark lashes flutter down against his cheekbones, and he leaned down and softly kissed his cheek.
"How fucked up are we, dude?" Jared said softly. Here they were, hands down each other’s pants, and they were having a Hallmark moment. Jensen just smiled at him, and kissed his palm, an echo of before. Then, grin going from schmaltzy to sexy, bit his palm, hand down Jared’s pants squeezing at the same time. Jared jumped and moaned.
"Come on, dude, we were having a moment!"
"Oh, were we? I didn’t notice," Jensen said archly, still a little breathless. He bucked up, hard, attempting to get on top once again, but Jared pressed down with every muscle he had, and Jensen stayed put. That plot foiled, Jensen reared up, putting his mouth right next to Jared’s ear and said, "I want to make you forget about every single other guy you’ve been with."
"What, all of them?" Jared said, teasing. "I dunno, man, Jerry had a lotta tricks."
"Guess I’ll have to try real hard, then," Jensen breathed.
"Nuh-uh, dude," Jared said firmly, attempting to reassert control. "Later, you can make me forget. It’s my turn to make you forget." Forget all those times that some guy came into your life for one night and left before he could realize how special you were, only figuring you for another pretty face worthy of a few hours’ time, was what Jared hoped came through in his tone and was still too unsure of himself to say. He hoped Jensen was psychic enough to pick it up in his eyes and his voice, because he didn’t know how to say it. The only way he could think of to say it was to slide back down Jensen’s body and sink back down on Jen’s cock like he was a particularly bizarre Twinkie that he intended to suck the cream filling out of through sheer vacuum power. Jared tried not to giggle around Jensen’s cock at the thought of this, but a few bubbled up anyway, making Jensen writhe around. Jared was particularly pleased with the fact that Jensen had quickly lost all vocabulary except for Jared’s name, God, and profanity, in various forms.
"JaredJaaaaaaaaredI’mnnacome," Jensen said in one long intake of breath, the hands that had been fisting in Jared’s mop tugging, trying to pull him off, but Jared, being somewhat of a stubborn bastard, sucked him down further, thanking God that many of the one-night stands had been begun with Jell-O shots, because apparently he had no gag reflex, which was fucking marvelous. "OhGodJared!-" and Jared swallowed him down as far as he could, working Jensen through his rather spectacularly loud and porny climax. Jared kept Jensen’s dick in his throat until he had completely collapsed into a puddle of gooey afterglow, then carefully put the rather-abused bit of flesh back in its pants and crawled up Jensen’s body to look at him, stroking Jensen’s face softly. They lay there for a while, letting Jensen pant and get his breath back, ease him down out of the pink fluffy clouds where his brain currently was.
"You look like the Wicked Witch of the West after a bath," he informed Jensen gravely, once Jensen was capable of communicating in two-syllable words. Jensen blinked and looked at him, incredulous.
"Are you serious, dude? My brain just melted cause you sucked it out my dick, do you expect anything less? Do you know how hot that was?" Jensen let out a breath on a laugh. "I gotta say, Jay, you got your goal." Jared raised an eyebrow, the eyebrow saying what goal? Jensen smiled at the eyebrow, and answered it. "You made me forget about every single other guy while you were wriggling around down there."
"You make me sound like a tadpole, Jenny," Jared said, wrinkling his nose. He shifted, muscles gone stiff from crouching, and realized that he was still hard. He’d almost forgotten, concentrating on making Jen lose it. But now, his dick freakin’ hurt. Jensen noticed, and raised his own eyebrow.
"Well, Mr. Padalecki, that’s pretty impressive," he purred. "I do believe we’re gonna have to get out the tape measure." He deliberately moved, grinding himself all along Jared, and Jared bit his lip, trying to keep from coming right then. He had control, dammit, he was not going to come in his pants like a teenager! Fuck, it wasn’t working.
"Jensen," Jared said around his lip, "if you don’t stop that, I’m going to ruin these jeans. I like these jeans."
"Oh, don’t worry, so do I," said Jensen, grinning like shifter!Dean, which Jared had always had a thing for. Which probably said something about both their heads, that they liked the possessed-scary-evil versions of characters they played. Freud must be doing a jig in his grave. Wait, he was German. Clog-dancing, then? Whatever. Jared really didn’t care, because Jensen had apparently recovered from the post-coital bliss and was currently trying to stick both his hand back down Jared’s pants and his tongue down Jared’s throat. Neither of which he objected to. He gasped when he felt Jensen’s fingers wrap around his dick, and okay, apparently you could top from the bottom, because Jared was so Jensen’s bitch. Especially since Jensen had flipped them over and was sliding down Jared’s body, and deepthroated Jared’s cock so fast Jared was surprised he didn’t get throat-burn, if that were possible. Oh, fuck, yes... he dug his fingers into the couch and held on as Jensen gave him the most intense blow-job he’d ever experienced. No siree, Jensen was not messing about with this, working Jared’s dick like a porn star, the sensations of hot and wet and oh god overwhelming him, too soon! He didn’t even have time to warn Jensen before Jared arched his back, yelled something along the lines of "Fucking hell..." and came like a shot, embarrassingly soon. Brains drifting into the pink cloud of afterglow, he felt Jensen crawl back up his chest and interlace their hands together.
"Just like a teenager, Padalecki," he vaguely heard Jensen say.
"Shut- up-" was about all Jared could manage in witty repartee. He did manage to flop ungracefully around to a more comfortable snuggling position, nose tucked into Jensen’s temple, where he inhaled Jensen-scent until he was less wobbly. Jensen was stroking his hand with one thumb, slowly and delicately, over and over again.
"Jay?" Jensen said softly. Jared craned his head around to look at him.
"Yeah, Jen?" he said, closing his eyes. Oooooooo, nice, warm, relaaaaaaaxed, mmmmm... he wanted to purr.
"What’re we going to name the assbaby?" And Jared started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop, feeling Jensen laughing against his chest.
"What, you mean the invisible ass-baby that we never actually made?"
"Give it time, Jay," Jen said, voice still amused, but an odd sort of truth behind his words. Jared stopped laughing, and wiped his eyes, looking down at Jensen’s eyes. He nuzzled the side of Jensen’s face.
"I don’t care what you name it, love," Jared said, endearment slipping out too easily before he could take it back. Jensen stiffened a little, then bent his head back so he could look Jared in the eyes. Jared tried to avoid his gaze, looking at first the lamp, then just down at his chest.
"I don’t mind, Jared," Jensen said, very softly. He tipped his head and kissed Jared’s cheek. Jared’s eyes flickered sideways to look at him. Now here was a good picture moment; Jensen, warm and relaxed and cuddly, smiling so tenderly it was almost painful to look at.
"You," Jared said fervently, "are the best thing in my life, Jen. Even besides my mama’s apple pie."
"And you’re the best thing in mine, Jay. Even besides..." Jensen thought a moment, then his smile turned more cheeky. "Even besides dancing with the cute little blonde thing before." Jared nudged him, rolling his eyes. "Jay, I was only dancing with her because I thought you wouldn’t," Jensen went on, seriously.
"I think I knew," Jared said, slowly. "Call it, I dunno, alcoholic intuition, but, I got it."
"In vino veritas," Jen said thoughtfully.
"Well shoo-fire, Jen, brains and beauty."
"La, Mr. Butler, you do know how to turn a girl’s head!" Jensen batted his eyelashes, then yawned. "Geez, I’m fucked out. You were fucking amazing, Padalecki."
"Likewise, Ackles," Jared said, drowsy. He snuggled closer to Jensen and closed his eyes. His last thought before drifting to sleep was on how Jeff was gonna react when he found out his two sons had blown each other’s brains out...
Summary: Jared has a huge girly crush, moons about, gets some "advice" from Christian Kane, and then there's porn. Lot's of it.